Marriage Moment: Discovering What Makes Him Tick

The following was taken from the book, Capture His Heart, by Lysa TerKeurst:

"When we are dating one thing that makes us so exciting to each other is the new discoveries about each other that we spend time unearthing. " While listening to each other we hear childhood stories, college experiences, family life and hopes and dreams for the future. "All the newness is exhilarating and serves to stoke the flames of romance. Then you get married and have a couple of children and suddenly every conversation becomes Cliff notes versions. There's no time for in-depth reviews and new discoveries; there are diapers to change and bills to pay and things to acquire."



"So we slip into survival mode and stop discovering all together." There's so much to learn about each other. Therefore, Lysa put together a list of questions to help you get started.


What is your favorite color?

What does your ideal Christmas look like?

When do I look most attractive to you?

Is there anything that you've been wanting to share with me but haven't for fear of offending me? I'll give you the chance and promise not to get emotional about your answer.

What is the ideal gift to you?

If you could start all over again after high school, what are some of the things you would do differently.

If you could only give our children three pieces of advice, what would they be and why

If you had to write one sentence to be put on your tombstone, what would you like it to say?

If you could be an expert of one thing, what would that be and why?

What is your favorite game?

What makes you feel relaxed and comfortable enough to unwind?

What is your favorite Bible verse?

Define romance.

In your opinion, what is the most romantic thing we have ever done?

How can I be a better friend to you?

What is something you've always wanted to do but haven't because of financial limitations?

Enjoy!

Marriage Moment: Just For Fun

Life can be pretty stressful with multiple demands placed on your marriage. Look for opportunities just to have fun. Try these simple ideas to stay connected with your spouse.

1. Choose one night a week to curl up together on the couch with dessert, candles and favorite music. Discuss something more than work and your children.

2. Push back the furniture, put on your favorite old music and enjoy dancing with your husband.

3. If your bathtub is large enough for two, pick up a special snack, put the kids in bed and enjoy soaking in the tub together with your snack and a special drink. It makes a great cheap date.

4. Take a blanket to the park, lay down and watch the stars come out.

5. Surprise your mate by having a babysitter planned and "kidnap" him or her to a nearby hotel with a day rate. You can enjoy time alone for an afternoon to early evening before returning home.

6. Take turns planning a get-a-way weekend. (During residency, I didn't think we could afford this, then after getting family to come watch our children and then enjoying a couple of nights away, I realized we couldn't afford not to. It did a great deal to boost our marriage.)

7. Find a romantic story to read to each other. For example, a Nicolas Sparks book.

8. Read Song of Songs to each other. Caution! It's hot!

Marriage Moment: Making Your Home a Refuge

Refuge - a shelter, or protection from danger, difficulty. 2. A place of safety; shelter, safe retreat.

Sunday Steve and I went to visit Stan Hywett Hall. It's a beautiful manor in Akron, Ohio built in 1915 that is open to the public to tour the home and grounds. As you enter into the foyer, there is a quote craved into stone above the archway into the great room that says. "Welcome as thy need maybe. Find here gladness, happiness, peace, sanctuary."

After we toured the manor and enjoyed the English Garden, the Japanese Garden, and the long alley of birch trees on this enormous grounds, we sat down at the cafe and discussed what it meant to make your home a sanctuary. To be honest, I don't think our home was a refuge when Steve was in residency. I was in survival mode with three young children. I was just trying to make it through the day sometimes feeling like a single parent.

I asked Steve what a refuge would look like for someone in the medical profession; especially those in training. We decided to think about what it looked like for a resident. When a resident arrives home, he often is exhausted and feels like he is pretty inadequate. He may believe the lie that he doesn't have what it takes to be a good physician. He needs you as his wife to believe in him. He may feel beat up emotionally at work, but your home is a safe place where he is encouraged and believed in. If he is an attending, he may be tired from working with the bureaucratic problems at the hospital, or dealing with a difficult partner, or a malpractice suit.
Having a refuge to come home to is crucial.

You may not have a huge manor like Steve and I saw last Sunday, but you can still develop a refuge from the storms of life in your home. Be intentional! Look around your home. What would make it feel like a refuge for you or for your husband. Think about it. What is it you need to feel refreshed so that you can provide a refuge for your husband and children? What does your husband need? Ask him. It will be constantly changing from season to season or through various rotations. It will probably change according to what season of life you are in. He may tell you he needs 30 minutes of quiet after he greets the family and before he is ready to be fully present to engage in family life. He may say, "I have about 1 1/2 hours left in me before I crash for the evening."

Often we don't realize that awe need a refuge until we are operating on empty and have nothing left to give.

Here are some thoughts about providing a refuge for yourself and your family.

Think about the following areas to add a sense of refuge.

1. Time - Take a 10 minute quiet time to just relax. Moms with little ones are often tempted to spend the whole time their baby is sleeping to get work done.
2. Music - Music has a way of either relaxing or inspiring.
3. Schedule - Make sure you leave margin in your schedule. When your husband is off for the weekend, it's tempting to schedule the whole weekend with friends, family or other commitments. Make sure that you leave margin for your family to just relax.
4. Words - Your family may be on the receiving end of unkind words outside your home from work, school or friends, but you can make a decision to provide a refuge verbally in your home. You can decide to follow Ephesians 4:29. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." It helps to memorize it.
5. Your lovemaking-Takes you a way to another place away from stress, headaches, bills, dinner, dishes, etc.
6. Your love provides a shelter from the storms of life when you provide your family with your love, hugs, and tenderness.
7. Most of all, God is our refuge. Jesus welcome us to come to him when we are weary and heavy laden. He promises as we learn from him that we will rest for our souls. Matthew 11:28.

Marriage Moment: Welcoming Your Husband Home

The first three minutes when you greet your husband at the door, sets the tone for the rest of the evening. When you greet your husband with a smile, a hug, and a lingering kiss, you are starting the evening off in a positive way. It's a small opportunity to express love to him and to once again nourish your marriage. You are communicating to him that he is important to you. Both you and your husband may have had a rough day. So when possible, take care of yourself in the afternoon by putting your feet up for a few minutes so that you will have energy for him at night.

Marriage Moment: Take Five

Have you ever been tempted to say, "As soon as this difficult rotation is over or as soon as this project is done, then we'll take time for our marriage?" Or maybe you have said, "As soon as the baby is weaned we'll take time for each other. Sometimes taking special time for each other never happens. You are often both juggling too many responsibilities. Author and speaker, Dr. Wayne Sotile encourages us by saying, "People with stress-resilient marriages nourish the relationships while they are waiting for those other things to happen." Therefore, I would like to encourage you to take five. Take five minutes to do the small things for each other that mean so much. It only takes five minutes or less to rub your husband's shoulders, encourage him with kind words, ask him to hold you in the morning before crawling out of bed, or hold his hand while walking or driving. These are small investments that you can make in your marriage to keep it healthy.