Marriage Moment: Making Your Home a Refuge

Refuge - a shelter, or protection from danger, difficulty. 2. A place of safety; shelter, safe retreat.

Sunday Steve and I went to visit Stan Hywett Hall. It's a beautiful manor in Akron, Ohio built in 1915 that is open to the public to tour the home and grounds. As you enter into the foyer, there is a quote craved into stone above the archway into the great room that says. "Welcome as thy need maybe. Find here gladness, happiness, peace, sanctuary."

After we toured the manor and enjoyed the English Garden, the Japanese Garden, and the long alley of birch trees on this enormous grounds, we sat down at the cafe and discussed what it meant to make your home a sanctuary. To be honest, I don't think our home was a refuge when Steve was in residency. I was in survival mode with three young children. I was just trying to make it through the day sometimes feeling like a single parent.

I asked Steve what a refuge would look like for someone in the medical profession; especially those in training. We decided to think about what it looked like for a resident. When a resident arrives home, he often is exhausted and feels like he is pretty inadequate. He may believe the lie that he doesn't have what it takes to be a good physician. He needs you as his wife to believe in him. He may feel beat up emotionally at work, but your home is a safe place where he is encouraged and believed in. If he is an attending, he may be tired from working with the bureaucratic problems at the hospital, or dealing with a difficult partner, or a malpractice suit.
Having a refuge to come home to is crucial.

You may not have a huge manor like Steve and I saw last Sunday, but you can still develop a refuge from the storms of life in your home. Be intentional! Look around your home. What would make it feel like a refuge for you or for your husband. Think about it. What is it you need to feel refreshed so that you can provide a refuge for your husband and children? What does your husband need? Ask him. It will be constantly changing from season to season or through various rotations. It will probably change according to what season of life you are in. He may tell you he needs 30 minutes of quiet after he greets the family and before he is ready to be fully present to engage in family life. He may say, "I have about 1 1/2 hours left in me before I crash for the evening."

Often we don't realize that awe need a refuge until we are operating on empty and have nothing left to give.

Here are some thoughts about providing a refuge for yourself and your family.

Think about the following areas to add a sense of refuge.

1. Time - Take a 10 minute quiet time to just relax. Moms with little ones are often tempted to spend the whole time their baby is sleeping to get work done.
2. Music - Music has a way of either relaxing or inspiring.
3. Schedule - Make sure you leave margin in your schedule. When your husband is off for the weekend, it's tempting to schedule the whole weekend with friends, family or other commitments. Make sure that you leave margin for your family to just relax.
4. Words - Your family may be on the receiving end of unkind words outside your home from work, school or friends, but you can make a decision to provide a refuge verbally in your home. You can decide to follow Ephesians 4:29. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." It helps to memorize it.
5. Your lovemaking-Takes you a way to another place away from stress, headaches, bills, dinner, dishes, etc.
6. Your love provides a shelter from the storms of life when you provide your family with your love, hugs, and tenderness.
7. Most of all, God is our refuge. Jesus welcome us to come to him when we are weary and heavy laden. He promises as we learn from him that we will rest for our souls. Matthew 11:28.